Saturday, May 2, 2009

PPS

I feel much better now.  Just needed to get that off my chest, you know, not having a therapist anymore and all. 

May is always a hard month and the weeks leading up to May 22 leave me anxious, teary eyed, emotionally unstable and probably not too fun to be around.  Add to that the stress of finals, graduation, moving, prepping for NCLEX, starting a new job… I just get overwhelmed.  When I get overwhelmed I get really anxious and start having panic attacks about every little thing.  Especially things that make me angry, like being told what to do, who to see, what to say, how to feel, blah, blah, blah.

So I’m not going to do any of those things.  I’m gonna do my own thing.  I’m gonna stand my ground, even if it means giving in just to keep peace (even though I know that doesn’t totally mean standing my ground).  Because what am I if not a gentle natured, peace loving, angel?  Ha ha ha ha. 

I told Kevin today I want to wake up in our house on Mother’s Day.  I don’t want to be at his parents place one more day.  It will be tough but I think we can make it happen.  If you’re in San Antonio next weekend and have some muscle would you please help me move in the afternoon on Saturday, May 9th?  We just have to load up a kind size bed, a dresser, a crib, a couch and maybe a TV.  All the little stuff is moved in.  I would be indebted to you.  And probably buy you dinner. 

I need peace.  I need freedom.  I need the solitude of MY home with MY family.  I LOVE my in laws, please don’t get me wrong, I am blessed with WONDERFUL M & FIL’s but we ALL need some space.

Just one more week.  Just one more week…

Thanks to all of you for being such great friends, and such a great support.  I can’t tell you how much better I feel to hear your typed words voice!  I love it.  Thanks for the kind words.

4 comments:

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  2. I won't be in San Antonio anytime soon, but I hope that you guys are able to make the move happen before Mother's Day. It sounds like it would be the perfect Mother's Day gift because it clearly means so much to you.

    Also, after reading your post below this one, all I can say is that I am so deeply, profoundly, breathlessly sorry for the loss of your father. It doesn't matter how much time passes, that's the sort of wound that never completely closes. I am so sorry.

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  3. I'm going through your old posts because I'm a terrible person and forgot to keep reading. I hope you get all settled, I wish I could help. I'm living with family right now to save $, and its always the double-edged sword of being thankful for such wonderful people but also wishing you had the means to make your own space. You are SO close. Good luck, lady.

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