Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A day in the life

In case you were dying to know what goes on around here on a daily basis I thought I would steal an idea from a friend and conduct a very official, very professional interview with my very handsome and very sincere husband.

J: How do you feel about my blog?
K: [Repeats question] It’s hard to come up with an emotion I feel about it.  Envious.  Envious, that's how I feel.
J: [Giggling] Why?
K: You have a blog that’s good that people read.  I don’t have a blog that’s good that people read.


J: Do you secretly want your own blog?
K: Yes.
J: What would you write?
K: Probably my musings on pop culture and mass media.
J: You sound boring. 
K: Yeah.

J: Can you, and do you ever do the moonwalk just because you can?
K: I can do it.  I don’t because it’s too powerful.

J: Do you want another baby?
K: Yes… No… Yes… No… not right now.  Although I would like to have sex more often so maybe.

J: How do you feel about the dinners I make for you?
K: Uh, you don’t.  I feel the same way about your dinners as the children of Never-Never Land feel about theirs.  They’re imaginarily delicious.

J: What is your favorite thing about Avelyn?
K: Waking up to her, when she wakes up happy.  That or her falling asleep on me, I like that too… reading bedtime stories to her.  There are a lot of favorite things I have about Avelyn.
J: Looks like they all involve sleeping.
K: Yeah they do, I like it when she sleeps.  [Mutual laughing].  Reading stories to her is also fun.  I like being able to recite the pigeon book at any point and she lights up.  I like her determination.  She finds ways to get places. 
J: Good Lord, she sounds like you.

J: Words to live by?
K: [Repeats question]  Get off your ass you lazy bum.
J: I hope you’re not talking about me!
K: No that’s my words to me, I say it to myself.
J: Oh okay.

J: Why are you so retarded, ahem, mentally challenged?
K: [Laughs.  Repeats question]  The honest answer?  Probably too many blows to the head as a child. 
J: [Giggling] By whom?
K: Okay, too many bows to the head by sporting equipment.  Lack of Jamba Juice in my diet as a youngster.  Lack of brain food.
J: I don’t think they had Jamba Juice when you were a youngster, Old Man.

J: If you were an animal what would you be?
K: OMG.  One of those questions? 
J: Yes.
K: [Repeats question]  I’d be a kangaroo. 
J: A kangaroo?
K: A kangaroo, yes.  Am I allowed to justify the reason?
J: Yes.
K: Because I could beat anyone up and no one would want to eat me because I taste like shit.  Really I do, even in sausage form.
J: [Laughing] And how do you know this?
K: Because I've eaten a kangaroo in sausage form and it tastes like shit.

J: Blonde or brunette?
K: For what?  For what I want to [sleep with]?  Blonde.  For myself?  Brown because I have brown hair.  Wait, are you asking if I want to be a blond or brunette kangaroo?  Because if that’s the case, probably black. 
J: What?
K: I'd look meaner wouldn’t I?  A black haired kangaroo?
J: Yes, I guess you would.

J: Do you think you could come up with an interview yourself?
K: Um, I've given interviews before, so, well, yes then.

J: Can I have a sample question?
K: [Repeats question]  An interview without a purpose seems kind of pointless.  Why am I interviewing you again?  Okay, if you could be your spouse for a day, would you and why or why not?

J: Can I answer that question?
K: Yes, please do.
J: I would.  I would want to see just how much sex you think about during the day.  I’d also want to see how much of a bitch I am to you from your perspective.


J: If you could be a New Kid on the Block who would you be?
K: That’s easy.  Donnie.
J: He’s the ugliest! Why?!
K: He’s the one who's gone on to do something meaningful with his life.
J: Oh right.  I was thinking of Jordan.  He’s the ugly one.  And Jonathan.  Oh and Danny.  Yugh.
K: And Donnie has a rich brother, Mark.
J: Oh yeah, he’s hot.

J: What do you want on your tombstone?
K: “Get off your ass you lazy bum”.  Or no, “You should've gotten off your ass you lazy bum”.
J: No words about your loving wife or your child?
K: “He is survived by his lazy wife and hopefully not so lazy child”.
J: You’re an A-hole.
K: How ‘bout “Get off your ass you lazy beloved husband and father”?

J: Any last words?
K: No.

J: Is that a metaphor for our life, “No”?
K: No.  I don’t know, we do have to say “no” a lot.  We have a horrible matricidal  cat, a dog that’s on meds that make her pee a lot and want to eat all the time and a baby becoming mobile that hears “no” a lot.  Maybe it is a metaphor for our life.

J: Okay, so what is a metaphor for our life?
K: The tide.
J: The tide?
K: Yeah, the tide.  Not the detergent but the tide.  You know what I mean?
J: Uh, sure, it goes in and goes out but it’s always there?
K: Sure but how is that a metaphor for us?
J: I don’t know, it always come back?
K: [Chuckling] Okay thank you.
J: No, thank you.



  1. Can I get an audio version of this??

  2. I don't know why your life is so entertaining but it is. Even the mundane seems interesting. You're a good writer. And I wish I were a kangaroo too.

  3. I agree with the being jealous of having a blog that people read part. lol

  4. You guys are so perfect for one another. I'm with Clarissa on the audio version- such a funny interview!

  5. Thanks ladies! I'm pretty sure there is no one else out there that could tolerate either one of us. Good thing I snagged him early. No use training more than one of them.

  6. hilarious! i loved this interview.

  7. wait - how is Donnie the one that has done something meaningful with his life? did he start an orphan cancer foundation that I'm unaware of?

    oh yeah and you should have Kevin do a weekly guest spot on your blog

  8. okay, so i was reading your last post about all of the horrid people that read your blog and don't leave comments. and then i thought, hmmm, i'm one of them. i love your blog. you're such a great(and engaging) writer and i love that i can keep track of you guys, even though you're no longer in nj.

  9. PS Katie - Donnie was the kid who kills himself in Bruce Willis' bathroom at the beginning of Sixth Sense. And he's been in some television and movie stuff too. I guess compared to the other NKOTB nerds he is doing something meaningful. :)

  10. Holy Crap. You get that sense of humor from your husband, or wait he gets it from you! OMG ya'll are freaking HILARIOUS! I love it. Oh and Danny and Jordan are the ugly ones. LOL


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