A day in the life

In case you were dying to know what goes on around here on a daily basis I thought I would steal an idea from a friend and conduct a very official, very professional interview with my very handsome and very sincere husband.

J: How do you feel about my blog?
K: [Repeats question] It’s hard to come up with an emotion I feel about it.  Envious.  Envious, that's how I feel.
J: [Giggling] Why?
K: You have a blog that’s good that people read.  I don’t have a blog that’s good that people read.

[Chuckling]

J: Do you secretly want your own blog?
K: Yes.
J: What would you write?
K: Probably my musings on pop culture and mass media.
J: You sound boring. 
K: Yeah.

J: Can you, and do you ever do the moonwalk just because you can?
K: I can do it.  I don’t because it’s too powerful.

J: Do you want another baby?
K: Yes… No… Yes… No… not right now.  Although I would like to have sex more often so maybe.

J: How do you feel about the dinners I make for you?
K: Uh, you don’t.  I feel the same way about your dinners as the children of Never-Never Land feel about theirs.  They’re imaginarily delicious.

J: What is your favorite thing about Avelyn?
K: Waking up to her, when she wakes up happy.  That or her falling asleep on me, I like that too… reading bedtime stories to her.  There are a lot of favorite things I have about Avelyn.
J: Looks like they all involve sleeping.
K: Yeah they do, I like it when she sleeps.  [Mutual laughing].  Reading stories to her is also fun.  I like being able to recite the pigeon book at any point and she lights up.  I like her determination.  She finds ways to get places. 
J: Good Lord, she sounds like you.

J: Words to live by?
K: [Repeats question]  Get off your ass you lazy bum.
J: I hope you’re not talking about me!
K: No that’s my words to me, I say it to myself.
J: Oh okay.

J: Why are you so retarded, ahem, mentally challenged?
K: [Laughs.  Repeats question]  The honest answer?  Probably too many blows to the head as a child. 
J: [Giggling] By whom?
K: Okay, too many bows to the head by sporting equipment.  Lack of Jamba Juice in my diet as a youngster.  Lack of brain food.
J: I don’t think they had Jamba Juice when you were a youngster, Old Man.

J: If you were an animal what would you be?
K: OMG.  One of those questions? 
J: Yes.
K: [Repeats question]  I’d be a kangaroo. 
J: A kangaroo?
K: A kangaroo, yes.  Am I allowed to justify the reason?
J: Yes.
K: Because I could beat anyone up and no one would want to eat me because I taste like shit.  Really I do, even in sausage form.
J: [Laughing] And how do you know this?
K: Because I've eaten a kangaroo in sausage form and it tastes like shit.

J: Blonde or brunette?
K: For what?  For what I want to [sleep with]?  Blonde.  For myself?  Brown because I have brown hair.  Wait, are you asking if I want to be a blond or brunette kangaroo?  Because if that’s the case, probably black. 
J: What?
K: I'd look meaner wouldn’t I?  A black haired kangaroo?
J: Yes, I guess you would.

J: Do you think you could come up with an interview yourself?
K: Um, I've given interviews before, so, well, yes then.

J: Can I have a sample question?
K: [Repeats question]  An interview without a purpose seems kind of pointless.  Why am I interviewing you again?  Okay, if you could be your spouse for a day, would you and why or why not?

J: Can I answer that question?
K: Yes, please do.
J: I would.  I would want to see just how much sex you think about during the day.  I’d also want to see how much of a bitch I am to you from your perspective.

[Laughing]

J: If you could be a New Kid on the Block who would you be?
K: That’s easy.  Donnie.
J: He’s the ugliest! Why?!
K: He’s the one who's gone on to do something meaningful with his life.
J: Oh right.  I was thinking of Jordan.  He’s the ugly one.  And Jonathan.  Oh and Danny.  Yugh.
K: And Donnie has a rich brother, Mark.
J: Oh yeah, he’s hot.

J: What do you want on your tombstone?
K: “Get off your ass you lazy bum”.  Or no, “You should've gotten off your ass you lazy bum”.
J: No words about your loving wife or your child?
K: “He is survived by his lazy wife and hopefully not so lazy child”.
J: You’re an A-hole.
K: How ‘bout “Get off your ass you lazy beloved husband and father”?

J: Any last words?
K: No.

J: Is that a metaphor for our life, “No”?
K: No.  I don’t know, we do have to say “no” a lot.  We have a horrible matricidal  cat, a dog that’s on meds that make her pee a lot and want to eat all the time and a baby becoming mobile that hears “no” a lot.  Maybe it is a metaphor for our life.

J: Okay, so what is a metaphor for our life?
K: The tide.
J: The tide?
K: Yeah, the tide.  Not the detergent but the tide.  You know what I mean?
J: Uh, sure, it goes in and goes out but it’s always there?
K: Sure but how is that a metaphor for us?
J: I don’t know, it always come back?
K: [Chuckling] Okay thank you.
J: No, thank you.