Monday, September 8, 2008


anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee], –noun
1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

Either I will not be posting as often or as in depth as I have been or I will be posting lots of freak outs in the coming weeks. School started last week. I had two quizzes, which I aced, and two math tests, which I didn't. You have to get a 100% to pass. Unfortunately the math tests are really, really, really important and if I don't pass the 3rd one on Wednesday I am dropped for the semester... which means I am out until next fall when these classes are offered again. Which would mean being away from Kevin for even longer!?! Or getting a job in the meantime and being away from Avelyn even more!?! Feeling like a total failure that let everyone down!?! Yes to all the above.

I'm sort of freaking out.

A lot.

A whole lot.

Like every 2 minutes.

I also have a massive information overloaded Pedi test on Wednesday that I am completely unprepared for and I have to spend most of tomorrow orienting to my OB clinical hospital. Then I have the D&S exam after the test. I should also mention the quiz in OB after THAT. I am so stressed about organizing my time that I'm wasting most of it. (I am not counting this blog as wasting, I am using my "break" to write it and excusing it away as cheap therapy.) I'm not the only student in this boat, this is a really hard semester of our nursing program, most say it's the hardest. If I had passed the D&S exam the first two times I think I wouldn't be as stressed. What good is studying for this stupid pedi test if I screw the D&S and get dropped anyway?

Breathe... letting it go for tonight and hitting the books again. What else can I do?

I miss my husband. I miss Avelyn and she's sleeping 30 feet away. I want to wake up tomorrow and be done with school.

[Jennifer's Alternate Reality: She is not studying. Or freaking out. She is brushing her teeth and crawling into bed where her beautiful baby daughter rolls over to nuzzle into her chest. Because in Jennifer's Alternate Reality (JAR) she would have been able to breastfeed so she wouldn't have to worry about washing the pile of bottles on the counter. Instead of studying for school tomorrow she is falling asleep to visions of playtime and walks in the park. She is holding her baby close, because in JAR she doesn't worry about the things she normally worries about and co-sleeps with her baby every night. As well as her husband since in JAR they live together in the same city in the same house and sleep in the same bed. Every night. JAR is like the Hidden Valley Ranch city but a little more ethereal and doesn't smell like salad.]

1 comment:

  1. Its not too late to wear your baby! I still wear Halle in the Moby Wrap and she is 13 months. She still loves it just as much as she did, if not more. There are retailers in Houston that sell the Moby, I am sure if you google it you could pick on up ASAP!

    It is the BEST thing ever! If you have any other questions email me at

    Also, have you considered buying breastmilk from a milk bank? (I know, it sounds funny...but I had a friend do and it was so neat!)


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