Thursday, October 2, 2008

The lump in my throat

I just can't stop reading their story. It is breaking my heart and I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough to handle it. I wanted to write something profound about what their story said to me, what it did to me and the feelings it brought about, but every thought I had scared me. I just want to cry, and wrap the whole situation up in my arms and rock it to sleep, to a place so far away that when we all wake up it's different and none of it ever happened. To her or to anyone. It's amazing what having a child does to you, how it makes you view things differently. This or any story like it would have brought me to tears at any point in my life but now, it just means so much more.

I am indescribably lucky to be able to rock my baby to sleep every night. I can't imagine a life without her or her daddy in it. Actually I can, and that's what scares me most.

Thank you for every day, every hour, every minute I am sharing with her right now.


  1. pray from afar... you need to FOCUS on school and not let any emotional thing interrupt that. Yes, you can grieve but you can allow it in intervals... like we did when your dad died. Remember the "It is not time to grieve" or "You are tired... we can grieve in the morning." If this is your friend. Wait till the weekends. If its not your friend, I am going to slap you... Yes, precious mommies feel for others, but they know when to, and when to turn it off-- like a great nurse would do!

    Ha! Ironic huh?

  2. oh! you found matt and madeline! i LOVE them. his writing is so simple and sad yet joyful at what he still has. it really is hard to read sometimes but he seems to be finding ways to cope, or at least outwardly he is.

  3. I read his blog everyday too. Maybe times I sit at my desk crying gator tears, sometimes I wish I could grab though my computer screen and give him a hug. Just pray for his family like I do, that's all you can do :)


You're leaving ME a comment? Oh, I'm so flattered!