A few clowns short of a circus…

…unless you leave a comment over here and enter to win a family 4-pack to see:
Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey’s
Over the Top!

(Don't worry all that have already posted, your comments are still in play!)

In which I am old, happy, and employed

My baby brother got married this weekend which I’m pretty sure means I am really old now.  Avelyn was a drop dead gahw-geous flower girl in her little ruffled dress and tiny pearls.  She had fun picking up the skirt ever so slightly and twirling herself.  Sigh.  Aren’t little girls just precious?

Kevin flew to Chicago on Friday so he wasn’t in attendance.  I made sure he was “there” by lending Jacob Kevin’s tux from our wedding and forcing him to talk on my pink iPhone while Kevin gave marriage advice before the ceremony.  He said, “Don’ do it dummy!”  Joking, of course. 

I’ve mentioned before that I regret not having danced with my brother at my own wedding all the way, way back in 2002.  I made peace with myself when Avelyn danced with him at his.  It kills me it’s so sweet. 

 

After the wedding we all drove over to an old historic house and they had pictures taken.  Avelyn was fit to be tied after driving nearly 300 miles just the day before and revving up to drive the same distance back.  She passed out on the way to the house, woke up crabby and screaming about 10 minutes later and screamed in most of my pictures.  We’ll see how their photos come out.  She looked so pretty with the bride anyway, and in the flower garden of course.  Love those OMG Texas is too freaking hot summer nights.

I started my FIRST day at my FIRST real job on Monday.  So far it has been hooooouuuurrrrrs of borientation.  I sit there all day long, nodding off and dreaming about all the things I need to learn how to do so I don’t kill someone.  Then I think to myself, Holy crap!  I’m getting paid a buttload of money to sit here and be bored.  WaHOOOOOOO!  Then, normally I go back to having the poop scared out of me because hello!  I’m a new nurse and I. Know. NOTHING.

It is now 9:57pm.  I am drop dead tired and missing Kevin like crazy.  He is in Chicago until August 2nd.  Have I talked about that yet?  I have been so busy and blog neglectful I’m not sure if I have.  He goes every year and runs a film camp for high school kids.  I miss him insanely and so does Avelyn.  We bought a webcam for my computer before he left and tried it out on Father’s Day.  You can see her unfiltered joy when she talks to her Daddy “on the screen” at the end of the Father’s Day “movie” I made him.  I just roll with amusement every time I hear that excited laugh.  I wonder if I would look younger if I laughed like that everyday. 

For my baby’s Daddy: Tribute

To Kevin: the man who provides one half of the genetic material required to create my awesome offspring. 

I love you,
Jennifer

Little bit o’ sunshine

I am too busy, happy, stressed, anxious, excited, overwhelmed, underwhelmed and pooped to come up with anything to write these days.  I am a bad blogger, I know.  Kevin leaves for Chicago tomorrow morning and won’t be back until August so we have just been working on home projects and enjoying our days around here.  No worries, I start my job on Monday so there will be plenty of freak outs and procrastination blog writing to be had shortly.  Until then, here is a little Hobo enjoying her brief stint in a two parent household.  Have a great weekend, folks.

In which I scream to the mountain tops in ecstatic disbelief

I would have called it “Dear Vagina…”

I’ve been getting free copies of Parents magazine since I registered for the entire planet’s worth of baby crap at a huge baby store run by Geoffrey the giraffe.  I appreciate Geoffrey having the sense to know that I needed this magazine for free since I had no plans to ever pay for another magazine again in order to save money I don’t have and a few trees in the process.  Unfortunately for the trees, I kind of like getting free stuff especially when said stuff contains pages and pages of bright shiny pictures of things I won’t ever buy and great articles I can read in short bursts throughout the day.  Who ever knew it would take me a full month to flip through a 196 page magazine?  I'm a few months behind on my Parents reads but yesterday morning Avelyn brought me the June 2009 copy open to page 82.  Before I shut the cover and put it on “the pile to be dealt with later” I caught a glimpse of the title, “Regrets, I Have a Few” by Merrin Dungey.  I was intrigued.  I let Avelyn run around with scissors and plastic bags over her head for 5 minutes while I read all 1-1/2 pages and laughed my butt off.  It was everything I wanted to say but with a much higher caliber writing style.  Do you relate to any of this?  I do.  About 105%.  Enjoy.

Regrets, I Have a Few
Being a new mother means feeling a need to say I’m sorry.  By Merrin Dungey

Since I had my first child three months ago I've dealt with an endless string of sleepless nights, the relentless cycle of feeding and pumping and changing and comforting, and the slow realization that my life will never be the same again. Now that I've emerged from the fog of being a new mommy, I have a few things I need to say.

I want to start by apologizing to my vagina. I just … I just didn't know what was going to happen. I thought it would be easy. All my life I'd been told I have "child-birthing hips." That turned out to be a dirty lie. I pushed for three hours, and I put you, dear vagina, through hell. I did my best to protect you, and I apologize. I can only hope that the bad feelings between us can be healed. This relationship has gotten really painful, and it's been weeks now. Please let the healing begin.

I'd also like to say I'm sorry to my husband for all my inappropriate name-calling in the delivery room and the resentment I felt because I had to carry our child for nine months and you didn't.  I will have sex with you again someday, I promise.  Don't hold your breath or anything, but we'll get there. I'll wear attractive lingerie again as well. These grandma underpants aren't forever!

And honey … about my boobs. While I appreciate your attempts to touch them, try to understand that they are not for you at this time. These are working breasts, they are under construction at the moment, and we appreciate your patience. It's funny: I can see a mixture of fear and delight in your eyes at the size of them. And trust me, they are something to fear. I never thought a boob could dwarf the size of my baby's head, but it is true. Little Maisey’s bravery in attacking them day after day is impressive. I must apologize to her as well. I had no idea they would operate in a sprinkler fashion, and I have sprayed her in the face many, many times. But the way she fights through it is quite something.

I apologize to every woman whose baby shower I attended before I became a mom. All those useless stuffed animals and baby booties I bought … well, I'm sure they might have come in handy at some point, but I should have stuck to the registry and gotten things you truly needed.

I also must quickly apologize to my cats for bringing home the new “hairless cat that gets all the attention theses days.”  I’m sorry you are no longer permitted to sleep on the bed and that you have felt it necessary to let me know how you feel about things with your poo.  Message received.

I apologize once again to my husband, this time for criticizing you about the way you dress our daughter. I know she's my very own personal doll come to life, and I like to play dress-up. But you make such weird choices. Why would you put her in a sweater when it is 85°F? It's the middle of the day--a night-gown really? It's bedtime, sweetheart, why is she wearing a hat? I recognize this is not America's Next Top Model, but I do ask you to think about what makes sense sometimes. That's all.

I must also apologize to every new mom I ever bumped into before I had a baby for judging your appearance. I mentally criticized your old sweatpants, your over sized T-shirts, and your haphazard ponytails. I figured you just hadn't taken the time to get ready before you went out or were in dire need of a makeover. Now I understand those precious minutes you savor when the baby goes down for a nap--the desperation to make the most of them. I could shower! I could eat! I could sleep! Check my e-mail! Work-out! Do laundry! Have sex! (Well, maybe not just yet, but…) I could do so much if she would just sleep a little longer. Then, inevitably, there's that sound through the baby monitor. (Stop. Wait. Listen.) Was it for real? … That was just a sneeze, right? … She's not up,right? … Oh, please, I'm almost done eating, the coffee's finally ready, I thought I could shower. Just five more minutes please. Just … nope. She's up. She's hungry. She's wet. She's something. And once you've got her fed and changed and played with her, you're on the clock to get that errand done before it all unravels again. I get it now: There is absolutely no time for a blowout or blusher.  I was a complete jerk, and I’m sorry.

I see how people look at me--with that mixture of pity and disgust--in my old nursing tank covered in spit-up and the same maternity shorts I wear every day. I'm like the Elephant Man. I put my daughter in fancy clothes to compensate for the monster pushing her around. I see the stares. I know what you're saying. Well to heck with you, you small-pants wearing Miley Cyrus fan. I just had a baby. I am not always this fat.

I guess I should apologize for my anger.  But in solidarity with new moms everywhere, I'm not going to.

But I would definitely like to apologize to my former self. I always thought I had a few pounds to lose and could look better. I never knew how great I had it. What I wouldn't give to fit into my old clothes again! I look at them longingly day after day. Hi, jeans. Hello, Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress. You were all so good to me. (Sniff.)

I should have slowed down and enjoyed my freedom more when I had the chance. I used to beat myself up if I slept past eight or stayed out too late. I was a fool. A fool. What did I know? Oh, to do anything at all at a leisurely pace--shop, eat, read the newspaper--and anything without having to wear a monitor. Waiting. Listening. For her.

While I'm sending regrets I should apologize to my pre-baby boobs for not appreciating them enough. They were a great pair of boobs--not too big, just enough décolletage. And now … sigh … who knows what will be left of them once I stop nursing? I'm sorry, former boobs. I truly am.

I'll never be sorry about deciding to become a mother, though. There may be no going back to my old body or my old lifestyle, but having Maisey is worth everything I've had to give up and then some. But you already know that.

To find the original article click here to view Parents digital magazine.

‘Cause every little thing, is gonna be alright

[Click play or here if the song doesn’t play. It will open in a new window.]

We are having a great start of summer around here.  Swimming, FIRST pigtails, learning the art of “sliding” at the park, learning to eat big people food like chicken, meat loaf, spinach, green beans, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, cherries, watermelon, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries… did I mention she loves fruit?  Oh, and jello.  Yeah that’s right.  Thanks Gagi for introducing jello at Luby’s.  She loves it, of course.  

See more "pigtails and purses" cuteness here.  (Note if you’re not familiar with Flickr: when you click on a link it takes you to a page with a photo.  To view more photos find “Doting Momma’s Photostream” on the right side of the page.  Click on the picture on the right to see the next photo, or the picture on the left to see the previous photo.  Hope that helps!)

I was a nanny for a few months in 2003, in between semesters in Chicago.  It was the best job I ever had and I have been blessed to develop a lasting relationship with the family I worked for, visiting every summer in Chicago.  The baby I cared for will be seven this year.  SEVEN.  I can’t believe it.  This year the girls made Avelyn a homemade card and sent her two of their favorite CD’s for her birthday.  We have fallen in love with them, especially You Are My Little Bird by Elizabeth Mitchell.  Buy it, you and the kids will love it and it won’t make you want to drill a hole in your head while driving in the car.  My favorite song on the album is (hopefully) playing for you right now.  If it’s not try clicking the link at the top of the page and it should play in another window.  It’s a song written by Bob Marley called Three Little Birds and Avelyn and I sing it every morning.  My favorite part is when she sings along with her little baby “you-ou-ou”.  Melts my heart every time.

See more “watermelon days” here.

I am counting my blessings for such wonderful days around here.  I hope your summer is off to a bang too.

My husband: Problem Solver

“I think [the cat] was licking [Avelyn’s] food, that’s why I put it over by the sink".”

My husband says this in a likely attempt to be helpful after I come back from putting Avelyn down for a nap, before I have noticed that her leftover ravioli lunch isn’t on the table anymore.  I turn to the sink and see that ta da!  It has been moved by the sink. 

Okaaaaay.  Because moving it from one surface to another will prevent the cat from licking it again?  I can’t imagine that you didn’t know I would wrap up her leftover lunch and put it in the fridge when I came back since that is what I do ev-er-y time.  Why then, did you not do this yourself?  Why did you simply move the object, thereby not solving the cat-licking-food issue at hand and leaving it for me to do while you watch ESPN?

Sigh.  These are the types of issues I have on my conversation list for our Lord, of whom man was made in his image.

Lucky for my husband he provides quality sperm that makes cute kids.  Guess I’ll keep him around a while longer.

Dear Avelyn

Dear Avelyn,

You are such a big girl these days!  You have been walking for just over a month now.  You cannot imagine how weird it is to see you change so fast, to have everyday be a “new normal”.  You took your first real steps on April 29, 2009 and by May 29th you were practically running.  Now it’s as if crawling never existed.  “Crawling!” I can almost hear you say, “Crawling is for babies, Mom.  Do I look like a baby to you?” 

No.  No you don’t.  I mean, yes you still look like, and are, a baby.  Your head is still huge in proportion to your body and your little round belly is ADORABLE.  You also still use a pacifier which I’m pretty sure means you’re still a baby.  But you’re not a baby baby anymore.  You aren’t a “kid” either so don’t rush it, okay?  You’re my little girl. 

You are sooooo close to talking and saying real words.  Most of the time you point to something and just say “uh!” but we’re working on learning to say “What’s that?”, “Who’s that?”, “More” and all those things that will make Mommy so excited she DOES NOT pee her pants.  And yes, while I know you know who I am and I’m happy that ma-ma was technically your first word I would absolutely love it if you said my name a little more and Daddy’s a little less.  Well to be fair you should keep saying da-da because it melts both our hearts but you should really just say ma-ma more often.  I’m willing to buy you a pony one day if you commit to this deal.  Let me know n’kay?

My favorite part of the day is waking up to the sound of your beautiful voice, singing yourself awake.  Sometimes I lie in bed just a little too long enjoying you and then you get upset and start yelling for someone to come pick you up.  That grin as I walk in the door is what makes life worth living.  Oh, and I love our new song that we sing in the morning.  Bob Marley rocks huh?  We’ll have to thank Mae and Elaine this summer for the cd.

Avelyn, you are such a sweet, funny little girl.  I laugh all day long at your “jokes” and the sound of your giggle.  And you’re turning into such a good little helper.  The last two weeks you have started to carry around your little pink bucket and put things in it as you find them, collecting your way around the house.  It is so sweet to see you toddling around with your bucket on your arm, sort of like a little purse. 

You love to take books off of the shelves and bring them to me or Daddy but you still will not sit still to read one.  About the only time of day we get a book read is during your nighttime bottle.  You have completely switched over to milk and don’t take anymore formula but I am so happy you still want a nighttime bottle since it’s the one time of day I can always count on you curling up on my lap, snuggling your head close against my chest and settling in for a read.  We rarely get through one book but it’s our special time.  It’s okay, most of the stories I know by heart so we don’t even worry about the books.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot!  You danced today for the FIRST time!  I laughed so hard and Daddy and I kept trying to make you do it again.  It was the best looking white girl baby dance I’ve ever seen.  Sort of like a bopping up and down, sache side to side kind of thing but PRECIOUS.  Agh you are so cute.

I have to tell you little lady, I am overjoyed to watch you growing into who you will be, someone I am in love with, someone I am proud to know, someone I astonishingly helped create.  Your love is innocent and pure, with no strings attached and I am so lucky to be your mother.  We are having a fabulous time together, aren’t we baby girl? 

I love you with my whole heart,
Momma

Busy bees

Why is it I could write blog posts like nobody’s business when I was in school and totally stressed out, but I can only find time for one, maybe two a week now that I’m home with much less to do?  Must have been that good ole procrastination in me.  Like Katie said “Well, you’re living a real life now, you have more important sh*t going on”.  So maybe that’s it.  My more important sh*t takes up my sweet time now.  Thanks Katie.

This week has been crazy.  Monday I studied in the morning and went for my health screen at the hospital in the afternoon.  It took forever.  Tuesday Avelyn saw the Immunologist and had her bodies worth of blood drawn to test her for allergies and maybe identify things that are keeping her congested, snotty and sick.  It’s more likely her immune system just isn’t mature enough at 13 months to fight off some illnesses but we want to test her for allergens that may contribute to the problem so we could cut them out if necessary.  She will be tested again at 24 months to identify if she was able to build antibodies to two of her vaccines that help her fight off two common strains of bacteria that cause most of the problems she has.  Right now everybody feels strongly that she never developed the immunities, so if at 24 months we find out she hasn’t we can give her a booster (since her immune system will be more developed) and hopefully that will be it.  Having blood drawn was awful so I kept her home and didn’t get much work done. She slept a lot and I started feeling sick that night. 

Wednesday I woke up with the Worst Cold Ever: Part 2 plus a sore throat and didn’t do much until I had to go back to the hospital for a follow up screen.  Thursday was worse, I was sure THIS was the cold that would kill me but had to back AGAIN to the hospital to have my ID photo taken.  Today I slept in, studied in the morning and went to a movie with Kevin for the first time in 9 months.  I never, ever do stuff like that during the day.  I feel awful doing “fun” things in the daytime when Avelyn is at daycare.  I don’t always feel crappy about it but then I feel crappy about not feeling crappy.  Well today I didn’t feel crappy.  Today I thought about all the times Kevin wants to go out with me and I say no because I don’t want to leave her at night with anybody, I don’t trust anyone to put her to bed and I don’t want to leave her.  Today I realized we’re paying out the nose to put her in this great school and if she’s there already, with people she knows and loves I might as well go see a movie.  So we did.  The movie and the Icee were okay.  The Icee free refill was AWESOME.

By the by, Avelyn has transitioned pretty well to the orange room at school.  One of the teachers from the baby room (blue room) moved over to the orange room with her which made the switch so much easier.  That kid does not like change or new faces.  I picked her up Wednesday and she looked unbelievably cute, like a little girl kid, not a little girl baby.  It was around 5:00 so they were all having late day snacks and she was seated at a tiny table, in a tiny chair with her bowl of fruit and her cup of juice.  Just sitting there.  Eating.  Like a little person.  It both thrilled me and broke my heart. 

She didn’t see me right away so I just watched her from the window and smiled as my baby girl sat in her own chair all by herself.  I felt like just one day before I had been swaddling her up in nothing but a onesie and holding her in one arm while all she could do is sleep, eat, cry and poop.  While she still does all those things on a very regular basis, she does so much more too.  

In other exciting news, I’m in the process of a major blog overhaul.  MAJOR.  Like, really really exciting major.  I can’t wait to reveal the new site so be checking in the next week or two for the grand reveal.  Marina over at Penny Lane Designs is currently finishing up another fab job for me and I am on pins and needles waiting to see what she comes up with.  Did I tell you how EXCITED I AM!?!?!?!?  PINS AND NEEDLES PEOPLE!  CAN. NOT. WAIT.